Off and Rolling: How do you say stool sample in Portuguese?

It has been kind of nice to hear from folks back home saying that they are excited to see us, but I am not sure you know exactly what you are in store for. We are different people, and you should prepare yourselves.

The girls are now young women. Lila just had her 12th birthday and is embracing the almost teen role with gusto. They have both grown so much that Sara now has moved down to third place on the height chart in our family of four, and could easily be in last place by the time we get home. Hannah has started painting, a lot, and has created some amazing art for her friends, and us. Lila’s favorite activity is baking, which is extra impressive because our oven is so small you can only bake four cookies at a time. Lila is learning the flute, and Hannah continues to play it, and Hannah is teaching herself guitar in the meantime. They both are playing basketball and volleyball, and Lila is doing student council. Hannah has braces, and Lila just cut off enough of her hair to donate for making wigs. Hannah has her birthday in a month, so you will be looking at a 12 year old and 15 year old next time you see them. If you are thinking, awww, cute, then I would recommend stopping reading at this point if you don’t want to lose that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s about to get real.

Because apparently too much time spent cloistered in isolation can also have some detrimental effects on social skills. So as wonderful as they are, there may be some post Brazilian pandemic side effects that linger. So I apologize in advance if they come to your house for any sort of meal. If they do, I would recommend covering the floor with a tarp, or perhaps eating outside so at least the birds can scavenge afterwards. I would not call them completely feral, but you just might call them that after they leave toilet paper in your trash can and don’t flush. Maybe you will consider it a gift, like when a cat brings you a mouse. It is gross and stinky, and somehow endearing. I promise that they are not really trying to mark their territory. And if they visit for long enough to use a brush or comb in your house, you will be gifted with enough hair on your floor to create an entire pet of your choosing. Just the other day we sculpted a pair of Newfoundlands right there in the bathroom. I am sorry. And not that I always smell of roses, but eating outside might just be safer for all of your senses. They do still know which feet their shoes go into and occasionally how to speak in full sentences, but just consider making sure your tetanus shots are updated by June. I am sorry. They are just a bit Covid feral.

And if you would like to spend time with my lovely wife, I hope that you enjoy the sunrise, because that is when she now gets up. Once quarantine hit, her schedule somehow shifted to the opposite of our teenager. Hannah, given her druthers, would go to sleep at midnight and sleep until ten. Sara would go to bed at 8:00 and sleep until 4:00. Lila and I split the difference, which makes for a funny family schedule because it feels like there is only a small window when we are all awake at the same time. Thankfully the living room in our apartment has an amazing sunrise view, so I often awake to another on of Sara’s incredible sunrise photos. And then I go for a long bike ride, which puts me back just in time to wake Hannah up.

Me, well, I haven’t actually given that too much thought. Other things have taken priority, like learning the Portuguese words for stool sample. Apparently the word sample can be translated to mean lab specimen, and also translated to mean the kind of sample you take of ice cream before you choose your flavor. Explaining to the lovely person at the laboratory that you would like the ice cream style sample of your own feces would definitely cause some confusion. Thankfully, that error was avoided, but it was a still an awkward conversation considering the topic. My Portuguese has improved immensely, but trying to listen to and understand the twelve step process for this most humbling of donations was almost enough to short circuit my limited language skills. Thankfully I did understand early in the conversation that I got to handle all of this back at my apartment and not in the laboratory bathroom. And the instructions were printed on the packaging, so Google Translate and I were are able to continue to be best friends. In the end, it was worth learning that I did not have some sort of Alien movie style parasite living inside me and just drank some bad water on our last beach trip. And yes, I’m back to normal, whatever that is these days.

We have four more weeks of school now, and more to do than we have days for doing. Oh well, that’s how we left the US, so it is fitting that we return in a similar manner.

Be safe, be happy, and be well,

Adam, Hannah, Sara,Lila (relative height order)